This actually really applies to why we don’t see our non parent friends and since that encompasses pretty much all of our friends I guess we could just change this to why we don’t see our friends at all.
Our childless friends are great about including us in group plans, and we appreciate that, but the evening is always starting at 8 or 9 and is in a bar. It would be nice just once if we planned to have dinner (and drinks) in a place like apple bees at, I don’t know, say 6 or 7. The problem with 8 or 9? Well we are still woken up once a night around 1am for a good cuddle and then we are up for the day at 6:30am. By the time 8 rolls around I want to be putting on jammies and cuddling up with a cute little toddler.
Solution: get a sitter. Yes, that sounds like a great plan – and before kids I would have said the same thing. Reality is as follows, sitters that come to your house are a little spendy, and how exactly do you know who you can trust? I mean ignore the fact that you are putting the LIFE of your child in another human beings hands but you are also leaving them unattended in your home. Bringing the child to family is a better bet but if you arrange to pick up your child that night you either wake them to get them home OR (and more likely in my experience) they are ultra hyper from being up WAY past bedtime AND the sugary juices and treats said family thought would be ‘so fun for her to have’.
And let’s be honest, after having to be mom and dad all day/week and be the ‘bad guy’ you earned those sweet baby cuddles at the end of everyday – why would you want to give them to grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle? And in exchange for what? A SINGLE drink … because we all know you can’t risk being hungover in the morning.
You will also have the childless friend who wants to go to dinner – AND BRING THE BABY! I can’t tell you how MUCH I love these friends. Sometimes bringing the baby happens and it’s great but still different because you can’t have the conversations you used to because you are getting interrupted with said child restyling his or her hair with the mac and cheese sitting in front of him or her.
Solution: Daddy Daycare: I use this one now and then. What mommy doesn’t love to have a little girl time. But here is the problem – I forgot how to have conversations that aren’t about the baby. I actually may have lost 2 friends because the last time I went out with them (and first time I went out with them together instead of individually), I couldn’t relate to the conversation and I could only think about my daughter … and that I should be spending the time without baby with the hubby. I am so uncomfortable in these situations that I can feel myself shutting down … clearly a problem on my end, but one you can’t fully understand until you have been there!
So the solve to this whole issue? Get some mommy and daddy friends – yeah no one wants to hang out with mommy and daddy friends, all we talk about is babies, their poop, eating habits, gross experiments/uncomfortable moments, etc … if we all ever even make it out the door.