Today was just one of those mornings.
First I woke up late.
Then I over flowed my coffee cup.
Then I blew a fuse in my house.
I left the house feeling so ill equipped to deal with my day. I spent the drive (since I missed the bus) into work feeling like a failure. It must be my inability to just follow through and my lack of motivation that is standing in the way of every objective I have in life … right?
It got me thinking about a few things but namely how toxic we can be to ourselves.
My whole working life I have kind of just let things happen for me. The only effort I really put in was nothing more than filling out an application or submitting a resume with the exception of the one job I called to follow up on my application – And I turned them down when they offered me the job.
I have been starting to really think about living life with intention. There has to be something to it right?
In high school or middle school we had an assignment to make a collage about our selves and enlist a friend to also do one about ourselves. To this day I have the collage my friend put together. The assignment required that you sit down together and talk about why you put what you put on it. I don’t remember what mine had and I don’t remember everything that hers meant but I remember being surprised by what she had to say.
I am not sure she knows that I still have this silly thing tucked away somewhere but I realized today that if I were to meet the person she was describing, I wouldn’t recognize her as me. I would be a stranger to myself. I remember a lot of the things being ‘who I am’ but thinking they were basically my traits on steroids.
Learning to live with grace and forgiveness for your own short comings is such a challenge and this year I have been having a particularly hard time with this concept of what’s me vs. what is what the world tells me I should be. You can read about how my work life has unexpectedly caused a change in perspective, how social media has suggested that my early 20’s were one big mistake, and how society has influenced my identity as a runner.
I started this blog thinking it would be all about being a mom in this crazy culture of do it all be it all but found out that what being a mom meant was finding my true footing in life. Along those lines, I have been toying with a few ideas. Some, like the bucket list book, have already started taking a little shape. And others like this concept of an intentional year including an inspiration/aspiration section, are just starting to take shape in my mind.
As the song goes, ‘momma said there’ll be days like this’ but with a little planning and intent I wonder how much easier it would be to get these days back on track.