This song has been on my mind for the past few days.
My first thought – she might not be a size 2 but she is still thin and beautiful. Throw on top of it that she is talented and I am left feeling like this must be a joke. Not a single girl in that video really has any weight to loose, and then you have the ‘comic relief’ of that amazing dancer … who is much larger than anyone else in that video. My point is, I think it sends mixed messages.
Let’s look at just the words/the intended message. You are just fine the way you are. It is a beautiful message of self-confidence. One I hope to instill in my daughter and her brother(s)/sister(s) should she ever have them. But is it really the right message in a society full of malnutrition in the form of significant overeating resulting in obesity, diabetes, reduced mobility, and even early death? Shouldn’t the message be about being happy and confidant in who you are and taking enough pride in who you are to actually care for yourself?
I do love the part of the song where she says ‘So if that’s what you’re into just move along’.
That phrase starts getting the wheels spinning though. When we are young and find ourselves an unrequited love, we often comfort ourselves with the idea of ‘I deserve better’, ‘s/he doesn’t know what s/he is missing’, ‘if s/he can’t see how great I am, s/he doesn’t deserve me’. The worst part is that this is reenforced by our family and friends. What a dumb thought. So I had a crush on a guy or two who grew up to be great partners/parents … they just weren’t the right partner for me. There are so many different types and personalities, it’s crazy to think that everyone is going to LOVE you and if they don’t there is something wrong with them.
But it is somehow engrained in us from a young age that we can make anyone like us if we are just a little thinner, spend more time fixing our hair/makeup, tone down our loud or bossy personality. We are raised to be fake until such time that we are in high school and it’s too late. Now everyone wants to tell us ‘it’s better to be hated for who you are than like for who you are not’ … really?
How can I agree to that when I don’t even know who I am anymore?
You sort of assume that this pressure goes away as you get older.
But it almost gets worse.
Now, as a wife, I am expected to compromise to make my relationship work. It isn’t communicated that you need to do this within reason for an ‘easy going’ happy relationship. Our premarital consular actually told me that I would need to make some adjustments to things about myself if I wanted my marriage to last. I guess she could still be right but the things she wanted me to change? Well I don’t see them as a problem nor do I feel they need to change. And instead of taking her advice, I shut down, left the appointment at the end of the session, closed the car door and turned to my husband and simply said, ‘frankly I like who I am and I don’t plan to change. If that is going to be a problem we shouldn’t get married’. Right or wrong I will leave for you to decide but at least I gave him the opportunity to be informed.
And again I see this same thing happening as a mother. I choose to let my child co-sleep. Is it for everyone? No, of course not. But should I feel like I have to hide the fact that I fall asleep next to my daughter every night and wake up with her snuggled right beside me every morning?
I choose to take a more child centered approach to her life. When she is interested in the potty we put her on it, when she isn’t, we don’t.
We don’t implement a schedule for her to follow … because that is not the way my husband and I live. I get down right depressed just thinking about doing the SAME thing every day. Since he and I both kind of go with the flow when it comes to things like bedtime, wake time, meal time, it make sense that she likely inherited that too, so why fight what is likely part of her nature?
We choose to be more natural and holistic. My daughter doesn’t get fever reducer at the first sign of a fever or pain reliever at the first sign of teething. Everyone has a different tolerance level and I choose to treat her based on how the symptoms impact her, not treat the symptoms based on presence. I also tend to believe that our bodies do the things they do for a reason, it is silly to stop them if it isn’t necessary. Don’t get my wrong, if she is just miserable and there is something we can give her to make it better we do.
But the point is the same. Why can’t we accept that we are all different? We all have different drives, morals, and goals and objectives. If that’s not what you’re into … move along.
And I’ll do the same.