What is it about the start of something new and fresh that is filled with so much possibility and excitement, but when it gets here it seems to be no big deal?
Today is day 1.
I woke up this morning and I didn’t have a job to go to. I had finals to finish but no job. Two tests later and I am looking at spending my afternoon until my princess wakes up from nap time at grandma’s, cleaning and getting Christmas stuff together. I should really be taking a nap myself but that might be a luxury that has to wait.
I anticipated this day for a long time. What was it going to be like to get up and not go to work?
While I feel a small twinge of guilt that my husband has to get up and go to work in the morning I just woke up reassured that he and I made the best possible decision for our family.
I was worried.
I was concerned about what people would think and the judgements they would make. I was afraid everyone would think I was crazy. I left my corporate job after all. But I have been amazed so far at the reactions I have seen. I actually can’t tell you how many times I have heard ‘I wish I could do that and do something I cared about’.
I have been affectionately terming this little adventure 365 days of willful unemployment – which almost makes it sound more insane than it is. I am lucky enough to get to spend the next year focused on things that matter and prioritizing pretty much everything in my life. I get to change things up a little and be intentional about where I end up in a year from now.
It won’t be easy or pretty all of the time, it’s going to stink a little when I can’t get those new jammies for A just because she wants them but doesn’t need them. It won’t always be wonderful that we can’t go out to dinner just because I don’t want to cook. And not that we are going to be scraping by, but having to actually live on an in stone budget will be new for us.
A lot of things led to this decision but ultimately what it came down to was I had a decent job but I wasn’t happy. I eventually got my act together and was able to think about why I was there, how I got there, and why I stayed. There were nice things, and I have nothing but good things to say about the company I spent 11 years and 4 months working for. It was my first job and it took me further than I imagined, but I was staying not because I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else but because I knew I should be there, because I should be focused on financial stability, because I should value the prestige of working ‘Corporate America’ and because I should climb that ladder.
Not one of those things sounded like a motivator that was best for me or my family – and certainly wasn’t how I wanted to raise my little girl.
So, here I am, day one of ‘the rest of my life’. My husband is giving me such a special gift by supporting me in this and by encouraging me to be great – I intend to savor every minute of it, get the most I can out of the experience, and of course make him proud.